I love baking, but having a husband with diabetes, does put a big spanner in my egg beater. This sucks. Lots of things seem to suck these days. I think they call it midlife crisis. Friends are getting divorced, some are talking about divorce, some are thinking about changing jobs or moving to new countries. Yes, I think we can safely say that we, the children of the 80's, have finally arrived at midlife-crisis-ville and it's not such a great place to be. I am desperately trying to be a cup half full person through this stage, but it is hard. I cannot help wondering if the first half of my cup was not just spilt out on the ground by some irresponsible teenager that used to look a lot like me. Of course with less wrinkles and a much smaller waistline.
Now, during this stage in our lives, we must realise that there are two aspects our dilemma. The one is ACCEPTANCE and the other is CHANGE. It reminds me of the prayer we learnt at school by Francis of Assisi: " Lord help me accept the thing I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference". There are some things we must learn to accept. Things like the fact that at the tender age of 38 I am never going to become a supermodel. I am too short, too fat and much to my horror, too old. But that is an easy one to accept. Some things are much harder. Like some people that may have to accept that they may never have children or may never get married. Those are the hard ones. When you are 20-something, all these things are possible, but as you slowly approach forty, the light at the end of that tunnel starts to dwindle. But as they say, never say never! God has been known to do some pretty amazing and crazy things, like having-babies at 90-kinda-things. There is always hope, but I guess the trick is for it to remain a hope and not an obsession. I found Psalm 37 a good inspiration for this. To carry on peacefully with your life and to let God handle all the desires of your heart. Good advice.
Acceptance does give you a kind of peace about yourself. Looking in the mirror and actually not gagging every time you see your reflection, is rather pleasant. You learn to like who you are, for all the things you have and have not done so far. I, for example, will never design a skyscraper, but I bake a very good cup cake. That is something I am proud of. My paintings may not be up to the world's standards, but my kids love my fairies. I love that.
Now comes the CHANGE part. I know most people try to fight the "ACCEPTANCE" part of life by using the "I need a CHANGE" -machine gun. This is a very stupid thing to do, in my opinion. Some things are good to change, but others are just plain stupid. You end up exchanging things for something that may look new and shiny, but underneath all the wrapping, is pretty much just like the one you had. All wives moan and eventually want you to come home after work and not hang around at the pub. All cars break and need a new set of tyres at some point. a Harley Davidson is going to lead to your early demise and taking up skydiving without having a firm life insurance policy in place, is just plain stupid. And what is the deal with plastic surgery? All you are going to end up with with an expression that reminds people of the little girl who's mommy tied her plaits too tight or look like a you were stung by a ginormous bee on your lower lip. Yes, we can all do all these silly things, but very few of them lead are really life-changing (unless you of course die or end up in a wheel chair or with some toxic shock reaction to all the collagen you have pumped into your face). Mostly you will end up with a new baby in your 50's and a load of unpaid traffic fines, as all cars, even red sports ones, still have to be driven at 70 miles per hour.
So what do we change besides our wives, cars? Please don't for one moment think I have the answer to this question, I am merely, like you, trying to figure this out. I could change my career, my hair etc. etc. The list is endless, but I think I am looking in the wrong place. I think I am spending too much time concentrating on my changing my life here on earth and too little time on the one that comes after. I think it is time I started concentrating on my heavenly one. Investing more time into that, after all, If God is willing, I will have another 20-30 years left of this one, the one after is said to last for eternity. That is a lot longer than 20 years!! I think it is time I make that change.
So here is to new years resolutions and change that could have an eternal affect. Changes that will neither allow my cup to be half empty or half full, but to runneth over. For Joy has one source and all the earthly changes I can make will never ever give me what I am longing for. I will listen to the wise words of the Big Book and carry this in my heart: “Go your way. Eat the fat and drink sweet wine and send portions to anyone who has nothing ready, for this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” Neh 8:10 Who knows, maybe I will send some cupcakes around to those who have none, after all my daughter did say they tasted like heaven.
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